Solace - Guest Post by Sirisha Behara

Solace…
Come to me
When expected or unexpected
Please come to me
This heart of mine needs you, might be even more than Me

I Find You…

Sometimes in the most simple words
I bet their meaning is not so simple

In a person’s pure eyes
A reflection of heart with no expectation
and words with no deception

In a Tree
Wavering with Unwavering attention to Wind
Just swaying in wholehearted agreement with its beloved

In a Hater’s Words
Yeah, In Hater’s Words
Hatred Un-hidden is always better than Hatred Coated as Love

In My Darling Dairy
Every page of which holds
a piece of my heart
a part of my breath
and a glimpse of my thought

My Solace, I find you, Yet I am afraid that I might lose you…
That I might lose you only to never ever find you again
That I might lose you forever
In those unsaid words
In that Person’s eyes that strive to hide and cease to speak
In that tree that tries to stand still, now paying no attention to wind
In that Hater’s love… That is so so Untrue
In those words I try to write… trying to deceive myself
In those words where I lie to myself trying to convince me

The moment I try to convince myself that you are still with me, when I am not really feeling you anymore…. My dear Solace…. I am afraid beyond words that I might lose you only to Never find you again Ever…

About the poet:

Sirisha Behara is working at Applied Materials India Pvt Ltd. as a Mechanical Engineer.

Line that defines her: "If you look deeper and try to listen, my words tell you a story, of u, me, us and beyond."

You can read other beautiful thoughts penned by her at : https://mywordssirisha.quora.com/

A Perfect Relationship

It was a perfect relationship. Of love? Friendship? I don’t know. I just know it was perfect.

They were inseparable. So, may be yes, it was love. May be.

When she dreamt of becoming a bird, he gave her the wings. He gave her the wand when she wanted to be a fairy. They cried together for Cinderella and laughed together at stupid jokes. Nothing was too small to be ignored, nothing too big to be serious. Tears or smiles, silly questions or stupid answers; they walked together. Always.

Oh, I just realised I didn't introduce you to the stars of the story.

She was childhood.

And he was innocence.

Perfectly entwined with each other theirs was a perfect affair. And together they could feel everything, things they didn’t even understand. It was magic. Pure magic.

But then time casted its spell and the magic began to fade.

Her tiny steps strode towards a broad world and he was left behind. He tried to follow but couldn’t keep pace, his traces getting fainter day by day. Too desperate to hold on to her he also travelled towards a new identity.

And they are still friends, but they can never match the relationship of childhood and innocence.

Hey wait, before I confuse you, let me clarify, our little child actors are now grown up and they are;

Youth

And ego

Their bonding is still strong; it is just that they sometimes fail to understand each other though they understand the outer world perfectly.

It is like a magic show; reason overrules the concept of miracle. It is more important to understand; feelings have taken a back seat. Oh, the difference between magic show and pure magic :(

Sometimes she still wants to chase the butterflies, but he won’t let her, he wants to walk back in time, but she stops him. And when they embrace each other, they do it just too tight and suffocate each other.

Yes, bestowed with beauty, strength and energy youth has a lot to boast of but her true friend was left behind somewhere in the labyrinth of time. And with its endless affair with pride, sometimes it is at a lonely place.

The pure magic sometimes still sparkles when it rains, and she walks our bare feet. Rainbow is a pure magic. But then mind starts to reason, and the rainbow is a no more a magic, it is reflection, refraction and dispersion of light. And she can’t be stupid to dance in rain, she has more important things to do. The magic dries with the rain and what is left behind is the void of a perfect but broken affair.

Marketing Gimmicks

Today we are living a marketing world. I can’t travel a single km without watching tons of hoardings.

Rickshaw, buses and taxis are loaded with advertisements. Newspaper ads, radio ads, internet ads, ads ads and ads. But television still ranks number one.

I still remember the days when there were no ads in-between serials and the ads occupied only the in-between slots (yeah I belong to that age group ;)). Then ads started in-between the serials. And then one day as I was watching TV a flying image thundered out of nowhere and settled in the topmost corner of the scene. GOD, I was horrified for a moment and when I closely observed it was an ad of other serial. Slowly it became a trend and now the protagonist have started to endorse the products as a part of the serial itself (CHINGS CHINESE for example) No doubt we are living in a world of marketing.

And those silly free toys with wafers and what not … I have to change the channel the very minute the ad starts else a discussion starts and after hours of negotiation, debates, lectures and what not I give up. He is better than me when it comes to negotiation. I am talking about my 5-year-old. His strategy is simple, keep asking until the other person is exhausted. Man, it can go on for hours. And then by evening he is all smiles with the unhealthy stuff I hate, in his hand. And the stupid toy…oh, needless to say, is in dustbin within hours. I wonder what is in those toys that all the existing super toys at home take a backseat.

Showcasing vitamins and minerals is the new mantra of many unhealthy products. With a spoonful of veggies, some products claim to give loads of vitamins. Buyers are not such fools. Some ads unnecessarily add “India ka” totally out of context and oh those doctors in every ad, it sounds stupid. God, they don’t fit everywhere. Somebody just go and tell them. And those deodorant ads; all with 2 main features – stupidity and skimpy girls – don’t register to me.

And a large percentage of ads thrive on the concept of competition. Use their product and whoa you will be at the top. Really? Is it that simple. And is it that mandatory to win every time?

As much as I hate ads but I admit there are some ads I love.

Some ads are so beautifully done that I don’t tire watching them. Be it of stupid couple fights or the mothers convincing their little ones to drink milk. So much like real life na.

One such ad is the ad of CHOCOS, featuring Juhi Chawla. I love it when she says “harna jeetna, it’s all part of the game.” Now that’s the spirit. Too much pressure to win just leads to unhealthy competition and the spirit of the game is lost somewhere. Have you ever played without the fear of losing?

Sometimes I play just for the spirit of playing, without the fear of failure or the pressure of winning. Those are the games I enjoy the most. And blogging is one such thing for me.

Well, enough of my ramblings! By the way, what’s your favourite ad? Let me know in the comments box. I am all ears.

अधूरी नज़्म

Also published in AajSirhaane

अपनी पुरानी डायरी के पन्नो को पलटते हुए

बीते हुए पलों से मिलना चाहती थी

एक नज़्म दिखी उसमे अधूरी सी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

एक चौथाई पन्ने पर सिमटी

कुछ जख्मी से एहसासों में लिपटी

शायद मुझे कुछ याद दिलाना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

मेरे अपने ही वो ज़ज़्बात जैसे गैर हो चुके थे 

शब्दों की तरह अब कुछ धुंधले हो चुके थे

धुंधले से उन शब्दों को -जज्बातों को जाने क्यों पढ़ना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

कुछ शब्द नए जोड़े पर वो उसमे घुल न पाए

किसी पुरानी जीन्स में रफू की तरह अलग से उभर आये

अपने कल से अपने आज को जाने क्यों जोड़ना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

एक रोज मेरे ही दिल से निकली थी

लेकिन आज मुझसे ही कुछ अजनबी सी थी

कुछ कह कर भी कुछ छुपाना चाहती थी

शायद... हाँ शायद...

वो नज़्म अधूरी ही रहना चाहती थी

दर्पण

जब भी किसी दोस्त की कमी महसूस करती हूँ
मैं दर्पण से बातें करती हूँ
 

मन कहता है ये मैं नहीं, कोई और है

मेरा हमराज़ मेरा हमदर्द है
वो मुझे समझाता है की मेरे ये आंसू
मेरी ही किसी मुस्कान का क़र्ज़ है
जाने किन् ख्यालों में हूँ
खुद ही हंसाती हूँ खुद ही हंसती हूँ
मैं दर्पण से बातें करती हूँ
 
बस यूँ महसूस होने ही लगा था
की अब किसी और दोस्त की ज़रूरत नहीं
भरम से जाग उठा ये मन तभी, बोला  
इस परछाई की कोई शक्शियत नहीं
मेरा दोस्त एक परछाई है
इस हक़ीक़त से डरती हूँ
मैं दर्पण से बातें करती हूँ
 
एक हवा का झोंका आया, मेरा दोस्त कहीं खो गया
रह गयी तो सिर्फ एक परछाई
इतना बाँट के भी कुछ बंट न सका
और गहरी हो गई मेरी तन्हाई
अपने अस्तित्व को फैला कर
फिर खुद ही सिमट जाती हूँ
मैं दर्पण से बातें करती हूँ

Hope

Photo Credit - Asha Dimri

Hope is a good thing

It keeps me waiting for the love to return

Not a person but a feeling

Deep, tough, true

Unafraid of the pain it brings

But fearful of its absence

Of the void it leaves

When it's all gone

Love, faith, dreams

And the endless stories

Incomplete or with sad endings

Hope is a bad thing

It keeps me waiting

For what doesn't exist

A mirage?

A truth wrapped in a lie?

Or memories to turn real?

I don’t know what exactly

But it keeps me waiting

For the unreal

And I am happy

Or sad? I don't know

Hope is a strange thing

It keeps me alive between dead moments

The moments that belonged to me

Yet were strangers

It mends the broken dreams

Fills in the cracks of reality

And makes it new

As if it was never broken

Dreams and heart are anew

Sometimes for a moment

And sometimes a little longer

Moments

E-book of my Debut Novel

I am glad to inform that my debut novel “45 Days in a Cancer Hospital” is now available as an e-book.  

Here is the link for the e-book: Dailyhunt.in/Ebooks

For those who are new to my site, I am mentioning some details of the book.

The book is a fiction novel about terminal cancer patients who are being murdered under the masquerade of natural death. Why would anyone kill poor cancer patients who are anyhow going to breathe their last in some time? These are the questions Ashritha, a novel writer who is staying in the hospital to write her book on cancer patients, is struggling to unravel, risking her own life. Initially, she shrugs off her suspicion as she finds it illogical, but later the odd incidents going on in the hospital force her to take her suspicion seriously. Challenging all the dangers head on, she digs for the truth and unearths secrets deeply woven within the hospital, with the help of his college friend and CBI officer Animesh. What comes out as a wretched act initially turns out to be a deeply woven plan and a heinous conspiracy. 45 Days in a Cancer Hospital is a suspense thriller with a strong female protagonist and a series of shocking events that culminate in a shocker. The story also touches on the life of doctors and cancer patients and is woven around aspiration, love, hatred, betrayal, greed and suspense within the walls of the hospital that takes place during the 45 days of Ashritha's stay.

The novel for longlisted for Crossword Books Award 2013.

Here are links to some of the many reviews I received:

Goosemummynest.blogspot.in

Mamamiareviews.wordpress.com            

Jukeboxaloud.blogspot.in

The paperback version of the book is also available on major online bookstores.

I hope you will enjoy reading this novel.

Happy Birthday - My Blog

Happy Birthday dear blog. Wow, my blog is one-year-old today. 

It feels like yesterday when I posted my first blog "In Search of Love"

The journey from my first blog to the one I posted a few day ago "यादों का बस्ता बहुत भारी हो गया" was wonderful.

There were times I could decorate my thoughts with beautiful words and there were times I just posted them raw, without any flavours.

There were times I posted like this

And there were times I had the leisure of undisturbed writing; at 2 in the night. 

Looking back, I remember how apprehensive I was about starting a blog. It was way outside my comfort zone. But, sometimes our happiness lies beyond our comfort zone. And believe me, crossing the boundary is the toughest thing, the journey ahead is fun.

What better time to thank you all for making this journey easier for me, for the views, likes, comments and messages you sent my way. They fuelled my confidence and passion for writing. And I hope we will travel this journey together for years to come.

It’s our journey so don't forget to share your thoughts on my thoughts :)

See you soon with a new post. In the meantime, take time to discover the new world outside your comfort zone.

यादों का बस्ता बहुत भारी हो गया

कुछ पल मैं लौटा दूँ वक़्त को

की यादों का बस्ता बहुत भारी हो गया.

धीरे धीरे ना जाने कब

मेरे आज पर हावी हो गया.

ज़िन्दगी की दौड़ से थक कर

कुछ पल चुराए थे छुप कर.

कुछ सुकूं सा मिला था दिल को

यादों की छाँव में रूककर.

लेकिन धीरे धीरे ये पल ना जाने कब

गुज़रे कल के हवाले हो गया.

कुछ पल मैं लौटा दूँ वक़्त को

की यादों का बस्ता बहुत भारी हो गया.

एक कदम आगे, दो पीछे चलते रहे

नए पन्नो पर पुरानी कहानी लिखते रहे.

एक नयी सुबह की चाह में

बड़ी देर तक वो पन्ने मुझसे लड़ते रहे.

शब्दों से भरा वो पन्ना

उम्मीदों से खाली हो गया.

कुछ पल मैं लौटा दूँ वक़्त को

की यादों का बस्ता बहुत भारी हो गया.

Isn't Life All About Choices

Isn't life all about choices.

Choice between passion and career

                              Duties and responsibilities
                              Emotions and realism
                              Heart and brain

Sadly, the list is endless.

And as we select one of the two, do we really leave the other? Or we leave a part of us with the one we abandon or rather pretend to abandon.

Lost in these thoughts, I saw my 5-year-old submerging a painting in water. Hesitantly, slowly, the colors dissolved in water, leaving its soul - the painting.

And I wondered aren’t we all like that faded painting, losing our colors bit by bit, every time we leave the water – oh, I mean one precious thing for other in life.

ज़िन्दगी

Photo Credit - Asha Dimri

एक एक पल से बुनी ये ज़िन्दगी

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

ये ज़िन्दगी तो हँसती रोती यादों का आशियाना है

रूठे पलों को जादू से कोई हमें मनाना है

यादों को चाहे साथी बना लो, बनाना ना हमसफ़र

यादों में रहती है उदासी, उदास न करना जीवन की डगर

यादों में खो जाती है कहीं पहचान आज की

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

हमने ज़िन्दगी से आने वाले कल का पता पूछा

तो वो हंसके हमें बोली इस आज को करो नहीं यु रुस्वा

बुरा नहीं जो इन आखों ने कल के सपने सजाये

पर उसके पीछे यूँ न भागो की ये आज कहीं खो जाये

बीते हुए ये पल फिर लौटाएगी नहीं ज़िन्दगी

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

हर पल नया कुछ रंग नए लाता है

हर गुज़रता लम्हा ये एहसास दिलाता है

एक पल की कीमत को हमने जाना है

किसी लम्हे को अब कहीं गंवाना नहीं

हर पल में न जाने कितनी सौगातें बसी

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

Salute

The soul of the fallen soldier cried when he saw the enemies within the border were doing more harm than those outside.