अधूरी नज़्म

Also published in AajSirhaane

अपनी पुरानी डायरी के पन्नो को पलटते हुए

बीते हुए पलों से मिलना चाहती थी

एक नज़्म दिखी उसमे अधूरी सी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

एक चौथाई पन्ने पर सिमटी

कुछ जख्मी से एहसासों में लिपटी

शायद मुझे कुछ याद दिलाना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

मेरे अपने ही वो ज़ज़्बात जैसे गैर हो चुके थे 

शब्दों की तरह अब कुछ धुंधले हो चुके थे

धुंधले से उन शब्दों को -जज्बातों को जाने क्यों पढ़ना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

कुछ शब्द नए जोड़े पर वो उसमे घुल न पाए

किसी पुरानी जीन्स में रफू की तरह अलग से उभर आये

अपने कल से अपने आज को जाने क्यों जोड़ना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

एक रोज मेरे ही दिल से निकली थी

लेकिन आज मुझसे ही कुछ अजनबी सी थी

कुछ कह कर भी कुछ छुपाना चाहती थी

शायद... हाँ शायद...

वो नज़्म अधूरी ही रहना चाहती थी

In Search of Love

Photo credit - Asha Dimri

For long she wandered in search of love, acceptance and happiness but what she found never satisfied her for it was always incomplete.

In a long silent moment she connected with herself trying hard to find the answers of the unanswered questions. Where was she wrong? What was the reason for the overwhelming emptiness inside her? Why was she never sure she was loved and cared for?

And then she realized that she had failed the single relation in her life that was the most important – her relation to herself.

She had been able to and sometimes not able to fulfil what other desired of her but did she even know what she wanted from herself?

She had been able to or not able to keep others happy but did she even know why she was never happy?

Because in loving others she forgot to love herself, she had compromised with her identity then how could she expect others to understand her? And the emptiness inside her grew manifold when she realized she had lost herself, a mere reflection of her real self was left.

She had cried innumerable times while she failed to gain love and acceptance outside but for the first time she realized what she had lost and she cried for herself. But this time it was different. Her tears didn’t carry only pain.

With the first tear she shed self doubt and self criticism.

With the second tear she shed her search for love outside.
With the third tear she shed the fear of rejection.

And it didn’t end here, she freed countless negativity with each tear…and then…after long… she smiled…a true smile and promised to accept, respect and most importantly love herself. And happiness had no choice but to follow her for she had found a long lost friend; herself. 

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