DESTINY

Title of the story – Life
Level of completion – 37% (Well that’s my age and for the % to be accurate I assume I will live for 100 years)
Author – Destiny

Hey wait. That’s not all about the book. There is a co-author as well.

Destiny wrote a pretty beginning, some sweet- sour moments and some bumpy rides in the story of my life.

Sometimes when the darkness was scary and I was helpless to create light I wrote patience and hope and I kept moving, just moving, like writing meaningless lines in the journal of life. When the light finally shone, I found meaning in those meaningless lines. Nothing is meaningless. When destiny was writing pain, naively, I was writing strength as if in coded words, that was decoded, step by step, as I crawled out of the darkness towards the light.

Sometimes my efforts failed in keeping a relationship or faith or a desire but it was just end of a chapter, not my life. I wrote a new chapter with new perspectives. There were new paths to be discovered and new aspirations to be chased. Though sometimes I turn the pages and delve into the chapters that ended abruptly, but then soon I move out. When destiny showed me a full stop, I fought with it to turn it to a comma.

Sometimes I was amazed and angry and sad with the decisions of destiny. I thought life was unfair and I only had questions. But far off answers were there, hidden beyond the layers of time and piece by piece the jigsaw puzzle pieces fell in place. I still have questions, but I know answers are there, may be far off, may be in the last chapters. May be. But, I am sure answers are there. And I will carve the path till I reach there.

Sometimes I write a dream and destiny rubs it off. I stare the empty page, oops sorry, the rubbed off page; oh, the difference between an empty page and page that is rubbed off, the wrinkled page. I straighten the wrinkles and write again and again and again. There are dreams that finally defeated destiny and some that I am still rewriting. I have lost the count, how many times that dream has been rubbed off but I am still rewriting, so it’s not the end yet. Yes, its tiring, very tiring but I have enough ink in my pen yet. The ink of hard work and faith. I won’t let it dry.

Destiny is the author of my life. True. But in bits and pieces, I add in my part. As destiny bestows on me myriad of situations I try to weave a story that is beautiful.
So, to complete the description of the story,

Co-author of the story called life: Me

PS. The quote at the beginning is from my novel "Beyond Secrets". You can read a sample here.

Living Life #MoreIndianThanYouThink

“Censor board” is what my dear friends nicknamed me in college. Their reason was valid, no curse words or dirty jokes were allowed in my presence. Well, they were considerate, else they would have called me behenji (a girl whose conservatism borders on being orthodox). I laugh at that now. Though my thoughts have undergone major metamorphism over the years, but at the core, I have changed little. Temples still attract me more than pubs. Family is priority over everything, including my career. At parties, mine is the only glass filled with soft drink clinking between dozen wine glasses, and sadly it annoys a few friends. Sometimes, I am the only one crying at an emotional scene in a movie.

I thought I was one of the endangered species on the verge of extinction. So, before my nightmare could come alive I wrote my debut novel “45 days in a cancer hospital”. The protagonist is a simple girl who is shy, smart, sensitive, resourceful, helpful and humble; in short, she is Indian. She is an author who stays in a cancer hospital to write real life stories of cancer patients, but is intrigued by the mysterious death of patients. Going out of the way she solves the mystery of prematurely dying patients. There is also a love story interwoven (sorry, no cheesy scenes). The book got longlisted for Crosswords Books Award 2013. It was a proud moment for me since my debut novel was longlisted for such a prestigious award.

I was overjoyed as people still love stories revolving around Indian values. I don’t belong to endangered species as there are many people #MoreIndianThanYouThink around the globe. Sharing and representing Indian traditions, stands with me and every Indian, Lufthansa, a German airline that is #MoreIndianThanYouThink. Right from the moment you enter the flight an Indian aura surrounds you. A sweet voice welcomes you with a “Namaste”. Indian flight attendants with well-versed Hindi will be there to assist you throughout the journey.

Garam chai awaits you once you get seated. Yeah, seriously! The drink without which our day remains incomplete and the lack of which can even cause us headache. Fresh aromatic Indian food will make you feel at home.

After a refreshing hot meal, you can indulge in Bollywood blockbusters, Indian radio channels and Hindi newspapers.

And finally, when your destination arrives you can only wish the journey lasted a little longer.

Can’t believe? Watch the below video where the coach instructs his cricket team to act like Indians, to win over them; think, relax, eat, walk, and even dance like Indians. So, when they fly, they fly like Indians, in Lufthansa airlines, and of course, they enjoy it.

I am sure, now you are intrigued to know more about Lufthansa airlines. You can visit http://bit.ly/2oQTj8q to learn more about them.

Beauty

Yay its story time–little Shreya chuckled, lying cozily in her mother’s lap. “Today I want to hear story of snow white”.

Mumma smiled and started the story “There was this pretty girl who was fair as snow, soft as cotton and the prettiest girl in the world"… and the story went on…

Next day started as usual with Shreya's laughter echoing in the morning but things changed when she returned from school.

“I was again not selected for the drama.” She said dully removing her shoes. “Hmmm but then the princesses need to be fair and pretty which I am not so I guess mam did the right thing.” and she went to wash her hands.

Mumma stopped short in her work. Shreya’s words echoed in her mind for a long time. She wondered who planted these measures for beauty in these innocent minds. Aren’t we all responsible? These measures are so deeply rooted in our minds that knowingly or unknowingly we all become ambassadors of false notions of beauty. Tall, fair, slim -are these the notions of beauty? Really? The models showcased in the flimsy cover pages looking no less than the snow white aren’t flawless themselves. The dab of makeup and the photoshopped images must scare them to come to limelight with their natural beauty. Why are we chasing illusions? She decided she won’t let her daughter chase an illusion and will clear the clutter from her innocent mind.

Today she was waiting more than Shreya for the story time. And as the night crawled in, she was ready with a new story.

“So today I will tell you a different story” she said, cuddling Shreya closer in her arms.

Wow… Shreya chuckled

“This is a story of a girl”

“Who was fair as snow” Shreya said before her mother could complete the sentence.

Mumma smiled and shook her head.

“No, she was dusky and chubby."

“Oh, so she wasn’t pretty like snow white.” Shreya was disheartened.

“I didn’t say that. She was dusky and chubby, and pretty in her own way….” And the story went on.

***********************

Beauty has no parameters. It can be...

    

With all its extremes isn’t mother nature beautiful. It nurtures all extremes will equal love and care and even we appreciate nature in all its form, then why this bias for our own tribe? Why we try to confine beauty in restricted standards. May be because the false parameters are so deeply rooted in our mind that it has become a part of our belief system. It's time to shed them. Beauty is immeasurable and undefinable. Let's celebrate the vividness of our existence and appreciate beauty in all its forms.

5 Benefits of Getting Older

Looking at an old photo makes you sad? The slight wrinkles burying the youthful skin wasn’t a friend then. The glint in those dark eyes isn’t a friend now. Time does that to us. But getting old isn’t that bad. It comes down with its own happiness package.

Starting from middle age this package starts becoming lucrative with each passing year. I have listed down just a few of the endless benefits that comes down with getting older.

1)            Expectations are tamed down

I think as we age we make peace with reality. Youth is loaded with energy, dreams, ambitions. But a crushing weight of unrealistic expectations stresses it out. Expectations, from everyone and everything. And as the famous saying goes “expectations reduce joy”. It really does. And as the expectations are crushed brutally under realism we are forced to shed the layers of expectation with passing time. Though some expectations still hold us tight but they are much more realistic. 

2)            Realizing what really matters

I wanted a lot of things from life. The most important was to secure 100% in every relationship. I wanted everyone to be happy with me. And that made me most unhappy. The point is not that it was impossible, the point is that it wasn’t important. As time passed, I realized what really matters in life. And it is a huge relief.

3)            Getting comfortable in our own skin

I believe change is toughest to accept at the onset, and as the journey progress it becomes acceptable. I have never seen my mother fretting over getting old. She has other issues to deal with, like dreams of her children, her grandchildren’s health and other things, but the wrinkles on her face or the age spots no more bothers her. I am yet to meet an elderly person who is worried about being fat, short, dark or lacking a grand personality. Isn’t it great? Free from the burden of looking great all the time. Well this is something that comes late in life. I have yet to travel long to reach there.

4)            Little issues don’t bother anymore

Sometimes when I look back I am surprised at the things that fretted me out. They were numerous. I used to frown at things I now just laugh at because life threw bigger challenges. But then I realized time breaks us and then it only mends us. This too shall pass – this is the first thought to pass my mind when I am upset.

5)            Finally, some me-time

Everyone is talking about having me time. How does one get it with little toddler demanding all your time and energy? But by the time we reach middle age kids have passed the toddler stage. Though the responsibilities and tensions don’t end here but at least the nappy changing times and a kid-totally-dependent-on-me stage have passed. And finally, the me-time starts sounding real. What a relief!

These are just a few of the endless benefits of getting older. I would love to hear a few more from you. Till then cheers for every passing day making us wiser (Another Famous saying says – Age doesn’t bring wisdom always. Sometimes age comes alone.” I am in no mood to prove it true 😊)

A Perfect Relationship

It was a perfect relationship. Of love? Friendship? I don’t know. I just know it was perfect.

They were inseparable. So, may be yes, it was love. May be.

When she dreamt of becoming a bird, he gave her the wings. He gave her the wand when she wanted to be a fairy. They cried together for Cinderella and laughed together at stupid jokes. Nothing was too small to be ignored, nothing too big to be serious. Tears or smiles, silly questions or stupid answers; they walked together. Always.

Oh, I just realised I didn't introduce you to the stars of the story.

She was childhood.

And he was innocence.

Perfectly entwined with each other theirs was a perfect affair. And together they could feel everything, things they didn’t even understand. It was magic. Pure magic.

But then time casted its spell and the magic began to fade.

Her tiny steps strode towards a broad world and he was left behind. He tried to follow but couldn’t keep pace, his traces getting fainter day by day. Too desperate to hold on to her he also travelled towards a new identity.

And they are still friends, but they can never match the relationship of childhood and innocence.

Hey wait, before I confuse you, let me clarify, our little child actors are now grown up and they are;

Youth

And ego

Their bonding is still strong; it is just that they sometimes fail to understand each other though they understand the outer world perfectly.

It is like a magic show; reason overrules the concept of miracle. It is more important to understand; feelings have taken a back seat. Oh, the difference between magic show and pure magic :(

Sometimes she still wants to chase the butterflies, but he won’t let her, he wants to walk back in time, but she stops him. And when they embrace each other, they do it just too tight and suffocate each other.

Yes, bestowed with beauty, strength and energy youth has a lot to boast of but her true friend was left behind somewhere in the labyrinth of time. And with its endless affair with pride, sometimes it is at a lonely place.

The pure magic sometimes still sparkles when it rains, and she walks our bare feet. Rainbow is a pure magic. But then mind starts to reason, and the rainbow is a no more a magic, it is reflection, refraction and dispersion of light. And she can’t be stupid to dance in rain, she has more important things to do. The magic dries with the rain and what is left behind is the void of a perfect but broken affair.

अधूरी नज़्म

Also published in AajSirhaane

अपनी पुरानी डायरी के पन्नो को पलटते हुए

बीते हुए पलों से मिलना चाहती थी

एक नज़्म दिखी उसमे अधूरी सी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

एक चौथाई पन्ने पर सिमटी

कुछ जख्मी से एहसासों में लिपटी

शायद मुझे कुछ याद दिलाना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

मेरे अपने ही वो ज़ज़्बात जैसे गैर हो चुके थे 

शब्दों की तरह अब कुछ धुंधले हो चुके थे

धुंधले से उन शब्दों को -जज्बातों को जाने क्यों पढ़ना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

कुछ शब्द नए जोड़े पर वो उसमे घुल न पाए

किसी पुरानी जीन्स में रफू की तरह अलग से उभर आये

अपने कल से अपने आज को जाने क्यों जोड़ना चाहती थी

उस अधूरी नज़्म को मैं पूरा करना चाहती थी

एक रोज मेरे ही दिल से निकली थी

लेकिन आज मुझसे ही कुछ अजनबी सी थी

कुछ कह कर भी कुछ छुपाना चाहती थी

शायद... हाँ शायद...

वो नज़्म अधूरी ही रहना चाहती थी

Isn't Life All About Choices

Isn't life all about choices.

Choice between passion and career

                              Duties and responsibilities
                              Emotions and realism
                              Heart and brain

Sadly, the list is endless.

And as we select one of the two, do we really leave the other? Or we leave a part of us with the one we abandon or rather pretend to abandon.

Lost in these thoughts, I saw my 5-year-old submerging a painting in water. Hesitantly, slowly, the colors dissolved in water, leaving its soul - the painting.

And I wondered aren’t we all like that faded painting, losing our colors bit by bit, every time we leave the water – oh, I mean one precious thing for other in life.

Good Bye Delhi

It was around 2.5 years back. I was very upset. After all I had to leave Vadodara, a place that saw me growing from an infant to a grown up, from a daughter to a mother.

So with a heavy heart I moved to Delhi. Having heard about innumerable crimes occurring daily in Delhi I thought of it as a different world altogether. Weeks passed in total isolation with me shutting up myself in my home. Every time the doorbell rang I thought there was a criminal out there. Looking back, I just laugh at my apprehensions. Weather didn’t suit us either and my four year old landed up in hospital and on ventilator for one night. But there was more to come and a year passed in fighting with situations, some of which were life changing.

But then what was the use of complaining? In small steps I learned to adjust to change; climate, place, people and situations, but the process of changing wasn't useless, it never is. I promised myself I will accept life as it comes. I learnt different perspectives. Delhi is a place that will force you to open up, get out of your comfort zone and speak up for yourself. It was a process of growing up and constant learning for me and so as seasons passed I started liking the place and its people.

And just as I mingled with the place, things changed. We had to move back to Vadodara. Was I happy or sad? I don’t know but moving from one state to another with two kids and one just 6 months old was not easy. But then I reminded myself the promise I made to myself – accept life as it comes, so I prepared myself for my 6^th house shifting in last 7 years. I am now all set in Vadodara, not really eager but ready for my next shifting.

Looking back, Delhi gave me some lessons, some memories, some good friends and my most precious gift, my son Aryan who just turned 7 months. But most importantly it taught me tough time makes us tougher. So a big thanks to Delhi before I say goodbye Delhi.