ज़िन्दगी

Photo Credit - Asha Dimri

एक एक पल से बुनी ये ज़िन्दगी

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

ये ज़िन्दगी तो हँसती रोती यादों का आशियाना है

रूठे पलों को जादू से कोई हमें मनाना है

यादों को चाहे साथी बना लो, बनाना ना हमसफ़र

यादों में रहती है उदासी, उदास न करना जीवन की डगर

यादों में खो जाती है कहीं पहचान आज की

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

हमने ज़िन्दगी से आने वाले कल का पता पूछा

तो वो हंसके हमें बोली इस आज को करो नहीं यु रुस्वा

बुरा नहीं जो इन आखों ने कल के सपने सजाये

पर उसके पीछे यूँ न भागो की ये आज कहीं खो जाये

बीते हुए ये पल फिर लौटाएगी नहीं ज़िन्दगी

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

हर पल नया कुछ रंग नए लाता है

हर गुज़रता लम्हा ये एहसास दिलाता है

एक पल की कीमत को हमने जाना है

किसी लम्हे को अब कहीं गंवाना नहीं

हर पल में न जाने कितनी सौगातें बसी

कुछ पलों में है हँसी तो कुछ में छुपी है ख़ामोशी

Salute

The soul of the fallen soldier cried when he saw the enemies within the border were doing more harm than those outside.

Freedom

Photo Credit - Animesh Nautiyal

Freedom - such a wonderful word but sometimes it seems out of reach and I don't even need to search outside for the power controlling me. It's within, restraining me from living the life I desire.

Sometimes when it rains I want to dance in rain
  but... a hesitation...oh what will people say...I am not a kid

Sometimes I just want to sing aloud....
  but...a complex... my voice is not so perfect

Sometimes I wish to write boldly
  but...my comfort zone pulls me back

Sometimes I wish to call an old friend I haven't talked in ages
    but a thousand thoughts clutter my mind, like,  she may wonder why after so long...

Thousands of wishes are, alas, crushed under thousands of such unreasonable reasons.

And sometimes we think someone is controlling us, but again we are wrong. It is not the other person who controls us, it is our desire to make them happy, our fear of losing them, our fear of conflict, that actually controls us.

The chains restraining me are inside me and freedom is just a few steps away, but only if I dare to take the first step.

Did you ever dare to take that first step?

Three Little Words

It’s all over – he said and left without looking back to see the effect of those three little words which he knew would change her life, the words that were still not able to overpower the three little words he said long back – I love you – three meaningless, lifeless, hollow words, as they seemed now.

She was left on the boundary of love and hate, dreams and reality, hope and despair, to fight it all; alone. She stood on that edge for very long in the hope of it all being a nightmare, in the hope she would wake up and still find him beside her. She stood on that edge for long with love in her heart that was losing itself bit by bit to hatred. It was painful to carry so much love, to carry so much hatred but worse to carry them both - both on extremes.

                                

Suddenly all the sweet memories that she had treasured started to haunt her, she wanted to erase it all and wipe out the unbearable pain in a moment. But harsh reality stays, people change in a moment, promises are broken in a moment, it takes a moment to hurt, but a lifetime to heal.

Days passed in the effort of holding the tears and nights passed in wetting the pillows. She kept talking to herself as there was no one else to do so. In those moments of loneliness, she met a part of herself that was yet not known to her. The strength hidden beneath her broken heart became her new friend. And slowly her newly discovered strength started mending her heart until finally she promised herself “No one in the world can hurt me without my consent. Life is made of moments. I can’t afford to lose life to moments.”  She decided to cross the boundary, leaving behind the memories and carrying ahead dreams of future, leaving behind mistrust and carrying ahead faith, leaving behind all the hatred and carrying ahead love, for herself more than anyone else.

She realised – it was over, but not her life. It was just a new beginning. Three little words were still with her – Hope, faith and Love.

Time is a Businessman

The tiny drops dancing on my balcony and my childhood photo album in my hand, it pulled me to a faraway world and I meekly surrendered. I met a stranger there. It was me.

And looking at her I thought about time, which bit by bit, stole her.

Time is a perfect businessman, at every turn, it give us something, but not without taking away a bit from us.

He traded

My innocence for maturity

My vulnerability for strength

My careless laughs for thoughtful smiles

My crazy dreams for real ambitions

And as time passed, I became a little more rational, a little more practical, a little more mature.

But... a little less me.

And a time came I couldn’t cry as I used to, laugh as I used to and sometimes even love as I used to.

The layers of different seasons that covered us are too hard, too deep to dig into to find the real us. And sometimes in a moment of solitude when we are just about to reach ourselves, we are pulled back by work, kids or the practical world around us and we are just consumed by another demand of life.

And the stranger slowly drifts back into the mist of time.

Memories

Photo Credit - Asha Dimri

So true are the words said above, the world of memories is a puzzle. So far, yet so near...so real yet so surreal. It often plays hide and seek with our busy routines. Mostly present take over those memories but there are moments when those memories bounce back so profoundly that we forget every priority and surrender meekly to them. At times it feels like a shadow, it follows us where ever we go, a part of us that in an instant lives within us and in other leaves us.

A faint memory of my school days that still brings a smile to my face is of my school friend, Sheela. I was in 3rd or 4th standard, I don’t remember exactly. I forgot to keep my compass box that day. When I asked her if she has an extra pencil she smilingly handed me her pencil. After some time when I turned back, I saw she was just sitting. When asked, why she was not taking down the notes, she innocently replied “I had only one pencil’. That incident introduced me to a whole new relationship with her. It was innocence of childhood that she didn’t bother to miss her notes, that made me wait for her in the middle of running competition, that made our relation precious than our ambitions.  Her father was transferred in a short while. I was too small to realise that once lost I won’t be able to regain her contact. The only thing I realized at that time was the pain of departing. As much as I missed her I couldn’t regain her contact. Thanks to facebook it has reunited me with many lost friends but not Sheela, I don’t ever remember her last name, I spent hours searching for her just to feel disappointed and accept that she is no more a part of my life. And I am left only with faded memories of her innocent face and her two little knots tied in red ribbons - and of course our indefinable bonding.

Other faint memory I would like to share is of our little puppy; it was a street dog that I and my friend Dipali fed every day. We created a small house for him. Making him sleep in a blanket became a routine. Waking up early in the morning and rushing outside to see if he was safe became our biggest excitement, which we eventually lost when we lost him in a road accident. Days passed before I stopped crying, months passed before life became normal, years passed before I could forget his appearance but no time could steal his sweet memories from me.

These are just snapshots from the album of my memories - some sweet, some sour, of people who are still a part of my life, of people whom destiny took apart. I envy time, it has all those hidden moments captured in its existence; well, although it can take away the moments from me but memories are mine. It’s my little world wherein I can live everything I desired, I treasured, I lost. Shattered dreams, moments of joy, tears, laughter everything comes alive in a moment – it’s a world that I can visit but not stay. After all, memories are like tides and shores are like present; the tide comes and touches its shores, and moves back leaving it wet.

A Short Love Story

Photo Credit - Asha Dimri

It was Valentine’s day, a day for which Ronit waited for quite long. He decided he would express his love to Ria. Somewhere deep down he knew she loved her too, though he couldn’t make out from when or from where. First moment he felt her love was when he was blamed for a political scam in college and everyone doubted him except Ria. Though he later proved he wasn’t the culprit Ria already trusted him and trust needed no proof.

Why Ronit called her to meet in the garden? Ria wondered as she decided on what to wear for the special day. She was almost sure he would propose her. When she lost her mother two years back she lamented for too long and slowly everyone close to her drifted away. They were tired of her whining, but not Ronit. He stood by her. At times his words provided her the courage to move on and at times his silence was her support.

The weather was wonderful when they met in the garden. The sweet fragrance of the flower bed, the calm breeze, love birds loitering around holding hands added to the charm of the weather. Ronit wanted to say a thousand things – he wanted to tell her how much he loved her, her smile meant the world to him, every moment of separation was a suffering for him. But words failed him.

“You wanted to say something?” Ria asked when it was time to depart.

“Just wanted to wish you Happy Valentine’s day. You will be my friend forever. Right?”

“Of course. I never thought you could doubt that.” She couldn’t make it more than a whisper.

They walked out of the garden, from the romantic atmosphere to the busy street. It was loud and noisy but Ria was too lost to hear it, the noise inside her was more disturbing. How could she be wrong in understanding him?  Were her friends’ right when they said he had a thing for Prerna? How could she accept that? Suddenly a strong grasp pulled her out of her reverie.

“What the hell you were thinking about?” she found Ronit shouting at her.

“What?” she responded as she looked around. She found the bus conductor shouting obscenities at her.

 “How can you be so careless? How can you miss seeing such a huge bus, what were you thinking about?”

She was shocked as she had never heard Ronit shouting at her. She didn’t respond.

“Tell me what you were thinking about.” He continued shouting “if something happened to you how would I…..” it took a huge effort but he stopped midway and broke his eye lock.

“I…what…Ronit?”

“I…How would I live without you?”

There was a long silent moment before he hugged her. She was so shocked that she couldn’t utter a word when she hugged him back. Out of a hundred of thousand of millions of moments only a few survive the storm of time, and at that very moment she knew this was one of those moments; the corner of the busy street, between loud horns and sandy surrounding where love expressed itself. It wasn’t the romantic garden, the soft music that unfolded their feelings. It weren’t the three words “I love you” that expressed what they felt, it were a few angry words. For love is not about day or place or words, it’s about feelings.

There are times when the words “I love you” are fake. There are times when unspoken feelings are true. But unfortunately more than often words wins over true feelings because the facade of words is too attractive to ignore.

I hope you never fall for that facade of words and recognize feelings over words but more importantly I wish you have that one person in your life who can listen to your silence as well.